Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
