Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
