I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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