I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
where are you?
Hypothermia
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
