God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
did you just send me my own nude
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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