And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
