I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
