Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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