Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
