PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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