I accidentally had phone sex last night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
