you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
