highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
