Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
