What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
