You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
