she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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