You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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