we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
