I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize