Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
