I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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