im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
