It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
