please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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