I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's like iHOP with fire
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
