Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
