Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.