peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.