I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
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I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.