Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire