I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.