Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?

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  (805): do you think they make care bear costumes for cats? http://tfl.nu/vj5d
  Replies (10) Good night (2630) Bad night (1164)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight

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  (716): I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/nte9
  Replies (24) Good night (746) Bad night (5032)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.

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  (269): I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week. http://tfl.nu/9ao4
  Replies (33) Good night (6080) Bad night (919)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?

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  (231): who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets? http://tfl.nu/3xr9
  Replies (5) Good night (1874) Bad night (1185)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it

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  (952): On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it http://tfl.nu/wltj
  Replies (6) Good night (2849) Bad night (1055)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical

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  (360): i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical http://tfl.nu/7e1z
  Replies (7) Good night (4462) Bad night (1024)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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  (712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i
  Replies (11) Good night (4508) Bad night (817)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist

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  (336): I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist http://tfl.nu/uq4m
  Replies (2) Good night (1617) Bad night (772)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?

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  (850): Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean? http://tfl.nu/rbfp
  Replies (5) Good night (897) Bad night (496)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  I'll uninvite my mom

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  (989): He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis. (1-989): I'll uninvite my mom http://tfl.nu/cezv
  Replies (5) Good night (1709) Bad night (568)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness

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  (303): You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness http://tfl.nu/eryk
  Replies (0) Good night (832) Bad night (480)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  When was the last time you wore pants?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Time is relative.

  (214): View more from Texas

  And pants are optional.

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  (817): When was the last time you wore pants? (214): Time is relative. (214): And pants are optional. http://tfl.nu/5cz1
  Replies (1) Good night (1099) Bad night (387)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.

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  (706): Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices. http://tfl.nu/3jkv
  Replies (0) Good night (533) Bad night (318)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.

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  (512): I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/45g5
  Replies (2) Good night (218) Bad night (370)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships

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  (641): im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships http://tfl.nu/ifce
  Replies (2) Good night (646) Bad night (205)

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