drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
