So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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