I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Send help, water and tortillas.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
