We named our party play list daddy issues
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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