my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I just put wine in my tea
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
