why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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