$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
