1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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