So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
