this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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