hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
