she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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