I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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