I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
