i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
