RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
