He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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