I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
