well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
