i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
