i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
