he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
