There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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