his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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