shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
