I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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