I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
