saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
