I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
