He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we're making bets on your personal life
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize