Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
