Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
