he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
