Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
