I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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