how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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