watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
