you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
