I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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