so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize