You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?