It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your shirt... Was in my pants