our cab driver is having phone sex.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend