When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
