dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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