The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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