hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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