I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
