my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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